AvaLin's Story

Accidental overdose during a MRI

Today I’m going to share a story with you about my daughter. My miracle. AvaLin was born in 2004 via C-section. After having my second child and the trauma I endured during that birth I was told I could never have another vaginal birth again. (I’ll be sharing that story soon.)

When AvaLin was born, she was immediately rushed to the NICU. She was tiny. I was told that she was having some difficulties breathing. In the hospital I was at, if you have a C-section and your baby gets put in the NICU, you cannot see your baby until you can walk there. Sounds crazy, right? I was not even allowed to be taken by wheelchair. So I did what many mothers would do. I forced myself to walk there with staples across my belly. I don’t even remember the pain honestly. I just wanted to see my little girl. I was very adamant about breast-feeding her. I was told that she was too weak to latch and was encouraged to give her formula. AvaLin was not considered a preemie, She was born 3 weeks early. I was not even encouraged to try to latch her on. I reached out to the lactation specialist in my hospital who immediately came to see me. She brought a pump and helped me pump. My breastmilk came in quickly, maybe because this was my third child. I am unsure. I was able to pump plenty of milk and used a finger feeding method with my daughter. There was a small tube that was attached to my finger and AvaLin was fed this way for the first few days. I also put her to my breast every feeding and would try to nurse her. There was a lot of shaming done by the nurses in the NICU. Several thought it was better if I just allowed them to formula feed her. There were nurses that supported our decision and there were nurses that did not. My daughter developed jaundice. Some nurses told me it was my fault because I did not formula feed her. The lactation nurse I worked with believed she would’ve been jaundice either way. I have learned over years that dealing with doctors and nurses, some have huge issues with you going against what they want you to do, and they will treat you poorly, belittle you, and even shame you for not doing exactly what they want you to do. You have to stand strong on your decisions. It is best to have someone stand strong with you.

My body began rejecting the staples I had in my incision. I developed an infection within the first 24 hours. My skin was very red and burned. Because of this, I was able to stay at the hospital longer instead of being discharged. In some ways, it was a blessing because I was right there with my baby.  I was very exhausted and decided not to take the pain medication because of breast-feeding. I felt like it was making her very sleepy. The nurses told me it wasn’t but I still felt like it was. I wanted her to grow strong and felt like I needed to do whatever that took. I am not saying that is for everybody. It is just what felt right for me.

When AvaLin and I were both discharged from the hospital it was on the same day. I know I am extremely blessed and I cannot imagine how other parents feel when they have to leave the hospital without their baby.

We started to notice pretty early that AvaLin was not hitting milestones. She would also hold her right hand really tight in a ball and curled up a little towards her chest. I mentioned this to the pediatrician on every well visit. I was following the normal schedule at each well visit. By four months old, AvaLin would scream and cry and it was hard to soothe her. Something was different. I knew something was going on, but was not sure what it was. By her six month visit, I told the doctor I was extremely worried and no longer wanted to do the routine well checks. My pediatrician did not agree with me, and I felt very pressured and uncomfortable so I sought out a new pediatrician. I wanted to figure out what was going on with my baby and why she was not doing things like rolling over, why was she screaming and crying, and why did her hand always curl up in a fist tucked in? She could not sit up either. My new pediatrician referred us to a neurologist. That neurologist ordered an MRI. We were scheduled three weeks out to go down to the hospital and have the MRI done. AvaLin was about to be 7 months old.

The morning of the MRI, we got up early and drove down to the hospital. It was about 40 minutes from my house. I was told that they would have to lightly sedate AvaLin for the MRI. I had planned my breast-feeding schedule around everything so she would have her belly full and be super relaxed. She was admitted into the pediatric section of the hospital. They told me this was protocol because of the sedation.

The department was very busy that morning. The nurses were running around taking care of patients. I could tell my nurse seemed overwhelmed. She came in and gave AvaLin a suppository (to sedate her). We were moved downstairs.

When we got to the MRI room outside in a building across from the hospital, our nurse was with us and so was a doctor and technician. They were prepping everything for the MRI and I had just finished nursing AvaLin. She was relaxing and very sleepy. I laid her on the board that goes inside the MRI machine, she was very relaxed and her hand was holding onto my finger. The same nurse we had upstairs came over and she had a large syringe. She started to inject some thing into AvaLin’s IV.

I immediately asked her why that seemed like so much medication. She told me it wasn’t and it was to sedate her so she didn’t move during the MRI. She then pulled out a second syringe and started injecting that into the IV. At that point, AvaLin still had her fingers wrapped around my finger but much more loosely and her eyes were closed. She seemed like she was sleeping so I wasn’t sure why they needed to give her more medication. I asked the nurse and she said the machine makes a lot of noise so they need to have her heavily sedated. I said it seems like that’s a lot of medication as she was pushing it into the IV.

The nurse assured me it was normal protocol.

Within seconds, I felt something was wrong. I felt it with everything in me. And that is when her hand let go of my finger.

I immediately looked at the nurse and said something is wrong. Annoyed with me, she said, “everything is fine. We’re going to start now.” I looked at her and said no, somethings wrong. I looked down at AvaLin’s sweet face and her eyes were slightly opened now and I could see her eyes rolling back.

This is one of the hardest things I will ever write about. Just sitting here typing this out makes my whole heart feel like it’s ripping open.

I yelled “Something is wrong. Help her.”  That is when the heart monitor went off. The doctor came from behind the wall where she was standing and asked what was going on. It all felt so surreal. I remember the doctor calling for a pediatric code blue. There were noises and people rushing everywhere. I saw a cart being moved to where we were and they were trying to intubate her. They did not have a pediatric intubation tube and the oxygen tanks on that cart were empty. Everything that could be going wrong went wrong. They were trying to give her medication to counteract what was happening while performing CPR. More staff was running into the room and a security guard asked me and my husband to leave. I refused. I began to pray out loud to God. I begged him to hear me. To bring her back. To wrap his protection around her and guide the hands of the people touching her. I looked up and saw tears in one of the nurses eyes. I prayed louder and harder. I asked God to give me a miracle that day.

He heard me.

Moments later, But what felt like 30 minutes, surrounded by doctors and nurses, they were moving her to a gurney and now to the NICU.

After they had stabilized her, a neurologist came to see us. He asked if they could do a CT scan and take images of her brain. He told us they would not need to sedate her because she was not awake. We agreed. We later were told that she had sustained a large bruise to the left side of her brain. She had a traumatic brain injury. They were not sure how she would recover. The doctor told us she might never walk or talk. I remember being in so much shock and looking at him and saying “She will run. She will run.”

Over the months, we saw so many doctors and did everything possible to help her. She was diagnosed with mild cerebral palsy.  The hospital had also launched a full investigation into what had happened. They accidentally sent me the results of that. Was the report sent by accident? Was it God’s will it was sent to me? I don’t know. But when I opened that mail that day and saw what they had concluded, I was shocked.

The nurse was so busy that day. She asked another nurse to draw up the medication to sedate our baby. The nurse had drawn up versed and ketamine. For some reason, she did three doses of each. She did not mark the syringe so the nurse that gave it to my daughter did not know. My daughter was accidentally overdosed. 3x the dose for both medications plus she already had had the suppository.

I know many will ask if we sued. And yes, we hired a lawyer. But more important than money we wanted the hospital to change their protocol. To take the steps to prevent this from ever happening to another baby again. The hospital agreed and worked with us on this.

I had a lot that needed to be done to help AvaLin. I started immediately. I met amazing people through the early start prevention program and the PACT program. Over the next three years, these people helped us heal my daughter. AvaLin could not talk. So we all learned to sign and taught her how to as well. She could not sit up. So she sat in a Bumbo to help strengthen her spine. We would come up with creative ways to help her with textures because she hated touching anything. My husband hung a baby swing in our backyard and installed misters. I would put whip cream on the tray while swinging her with the misters on. She hated it at first but the whip cream was a great distraction. Her brother would put a toy in front of her and get her to try to move towards it. Instead of making things easy for her and doing it for her, we encouraged her and cheered her on to do it herself. She had several different Physical therapist who helped us as well. We were so lucky to have found the programs we did and have the support of the people who worked there. AvaLin hated crowds and noise. She would scream. So I started driving about a hour to an hour and a half once a week to Disneyland. I bought passes. It was so stimulating for her. We would rides all the kids rides, stand by the balloon person, watch the shows and play at the water areas. It was all very therapeutic for her. I took her to parks and would put a new toy in the grass, She hated grass. But she wanted the toy so we would encourage her to try and crawl to get it. Same with the beach. At first she would not move off the blanket. But after a little time and encouragement, plus and incentive, she would slowly crawl to the sand. AvaLin kept improving. She was not talking but see could sign to communicate. Then suddenly one day, when she was about 2, she just started talking. They told us it could have been a temporary paralysis from the intubation.

I believe that God gives moms the ability to know  what is right for their child. I paid attention to this voice inside of me. I tried new things all the time. From brushing techniques, to light massages and challenging her to do things for herself, instead of trying to do things for her. I watched as over the years she healed. When she got older we helped her with balance and weakness on her right side with horse back riding. She loved it. This was very strengthening for her muscles and really helped the balance issues. Today AvaLin still has some things she deals with. Things most people do not see or would not notice. We still encourage her and manage the issues as they come up.

I share the story because I want people to take away several things from it.

1. Always listen to your gut.

2. Do not let somebody tell you what you know is not true

3. Always advocate for your children

4. Question everything so that you have the answers and feel comfortable

5. Love and touch are healing

Unfortunately, for us or maybe fortunately for us, this was not the only incident of medical malpractice that we endured as a family. I say unfortunately, because the trauma and what we went through was devastating. It has been a lot of hard years for us, but I say fortunately, because now, I will no longer ever be the victim of that again. I learned a lot through all of it and have met some amazing people along the way. I learned to ask questions, to walk out if I am uncomfortable, and to always listen to my gut. In all of this I found a huge passion to help others. So many people go through similar situations and I know how alone that can feel. I felt so alone at times. I hope to build a supportive community and I want to hear other people share their stories as well.

I am here to help guide people and support people who are finding their way as well.

I would love to chat with any of you and my email is always open.